neighbor no more

But the fear of the inexplicable has not only impoverished the reality of the individual; it has also narrowed the relationship between one human being and another, which has as it were been lifted out of the riverbed of infinite possibilities and set down in a fallow place on the bank, where nothing happens.

-- Rilke, Letter 8, Sweden, 1904

Just yesterday, I noticed that our neighbor of 2 years had moved out. It didn't even occur to me that they were thinking of moving -- there were no usual indicators; no moving vans, no boxes, no trash loaded up in the dumpster. In fact, it was rather quiet even for the summer. I didn't even know they moved until M told me the windows were missing all the blinds and we could see only empty walls. It seemed odd to me that after being neighbors for two years that they would just leave without saying ciao.

It is most likely that their transitioning occurred during the day, when I'm at work, and by the time I get home, there are other preoccupations that keep us from chatting up our neighbors. No matter what, it felt strange. We brought cookies over to them; we exchanged amiable conversation; we talked about work; we oohed and aahed over their lovely children (two boys, very sweet).

Their decision to move and not tell us is none of my business. They are under no obligations to notify me or any of their other neighbors of their intentions. We have no right to interfere and inquire about their lives. Nevertheless, I feel as if we had been rebuffed, ignored, regarded as insignificant, unimportant. What we were -- neighbors -- ranks very low on the totem pole, because when you think about it, neighbors in this day and age in our societies don't really matter. Or do they?

I wish that we could cultivate closer ties with our neighbors -- not in the Mr. Roger's Neighborhood manner -- but a bit more than just passing hellos on our way to work in the morning. There is a sense of estrangement and indifference in our lives that grows increasingly uncomfortable for me. I miss the days when we could run over to our neighbors and ask for a cup of sugar and eggs b/c I suddenly wanted to make cookies and didn't have any ingredients, and then we would talk for two hours about nothing. I miss the days when we talked about our gardens -- about how our trees (my dad's apple tree especially) is growing tall but no fruits, and our neighbor's fruits are plopping everywhere...

And why should it matter so much to me that our neighbors who don't really talk to us have "rebuffed" us in this dismissive manner? Why do I frame what happened as if they were "rebuffing" us? Why should it make me uncomfortable to know that an entire family has considered itself strangers to us in the most distanced and aloof kind of way, and has moved out without not so much as one word of acknowledgement.

It is also likely that they are a quite and unassuming couple who wish to remain ensconced in their privacy without interruptions and interference from us. Yet, I cannot believe that two years of living as neighbors would simply pass by...