full but empty

A few Sundays ago, a group of us from church went to City Team Ministries, which is a shelter in Oakland Chinatown, for our regular "gig". We usually do a quick worship service with them and then we help serve dinner. For whatever reason, we had been scheduled to cook and serve, but were not notified. They had been expecting us to bring food and cook, and we came empty-handed save for a drum set, base guitar, keyboard, and music sheets. We couldn't feed them anything except the music that our band played, and I have to admit, that week's line-up was not our most exceptional.

The folks who work at the shelter had to dig in their freezer and bring out hot dogs and white sandwich bread. No dessert or fruit or salad or juice, but a big of chips and ice tea. The hot dogs didn't even have proper hot dog buns, no ketchup, no mustard, no relish. They each received two hot dogs, two slices of sandwich bread, and a bag of chips, and a cup of iced tea. It was the poorest meal, and yet the richest. It was the saddest meal I have ever seen them partake, and yet many of them were thankful and smiling. Many were in good spirits.

Some of us could say that God was in that place and that the Holy Spirit was working to feed them. When we came emptyhanded, somehow, we found food for these men and women. Indeed, I could accept that God provided for them, but a part of me hates hearing that used as an excuse, because through some faulty system of communication, through a human mistake, we messed up, and then we dismiss it by thanking God for providing for us. I would not say that God did that just to save our hide, to cover for our mistakes. No, if we're to stay with this line of thought, I'd have to say God would have provided better than what we did.

I have never felt as terrible and as sad as I did that day, seeing them line up waiting for me to hand to them one extra hot dog as a second helping. And to have to respond that we have nothing more to give -- that was hard.

It was the most heart-wrenching experience for me to witness, knowing that
one hour before we arrived, the eight of us had been seated around a table in a nice, warm restaurant, eating an 8-dish meal family style. Seafood, meat, vegetables, soup, dessert -- nothing was lacking. We all ate our fill, and there was so much leftover. Indeed, we came filled, but I felt pretty empty.