Prior Approval Not Needed

Recently, my grandparents (Mom's mom and Dad's dad) have both tried to leave home. Paternal Grandfather (Ong Noi) is 93 and lives with my dad's older sister in Portland. Maternal Grandmother (Ba Ngoai) is almost 85 and lives with my mom's youngest sister in Denver.

Both are experiencing a great sense of restlessness, dissatisfaction, unrest, frustration, and sadness, much sadness, that they have lost their independence. Despite being loved and well-cared for, despite being waited upon hand and foot, they still feel -- I don't know what -- something like desolation...? No one understands them; they are told what to eat, where to go, what to wear, what not to wear, etc. Neither GP nor GM can understand why they have so much restriction, and they can feel frustrated, and perhaps great outrage, at being controlled.

My aunt in Portland came home to see my grandfather had raised the garage door, and was actually taking a step out the back door. When my aunt and her husband came into the house, my grandfather did the whole "welcome to my humble home" routine and then proceeded to excuse himself because he had to return to Long Xuyen (in southern Vietnam).

My aunt in Denver calls a member of her church on a separate matter and finds out that my grandmother had "persuaded" the church lady to take her shopping, without telling my aunt that she was leaving the house. In fact, grandmother even insisted that my aunt already knew of grandma's plans to go shopping. Di Hoang, of course, knew nothing.

Grandmother's escapade was only one of many. She merely wanted to escape -- to feel a sense of freedom, the liberty of doing what she wants without having to acquire prior approval.

I listen to these stories, and I wish, wish, wish I lived nearer to them...