I Spy with My Little Eye

Sometimes, you are caught off-guard by the most profound thing, and surprisingly, it had been in front of you all along. 

Earlier this evening, a friend and I were deep in conversation about the usual important things in life -- God, spirituality, work, marriage, careers, etc. -- and my friend suddenly interrupted our discussion to say she just emailed me something that I must see immediately. So I rushed to the computer and downloaded the image that is included here in this blogpost. At first glance, I could not figure out the significance of the photo. I knew she was talking w/ me over the phone while sitting in her car parked at an intersection somewhere in Emeryville, waiting to go buy some pizza for dinner.

"Did you see it? Do you see it in the photo?" she asked.

What was so significant about this particular intersection, I thought. "Nope, don't see it." Am I supposed to see a car or a pizza parlor or...?

It was a 5-second guessing game, and I had no clue what I was supposed to see -- no idea what was already in the picture which my friend saw instantly. And this cluelessness, this blindness, or this searching, was at the heart of our conversation we'd been hashing for the past hour. What is the meaning of what we are doing in life, and where are we headed, and how do we know what we're supposed to do next, and how can we tell what God has in store for us. What is, ultimately, the purpose of our life?

A few months ago, I uprooted my life in the Bay Area and moved to St. Louis. Starting over again has been difficult, especially while I'm still thrashing about in discernment: Did I make the right choice?  Should I have quit my job? Will I find a new job here, and will it be something that challenges me and grows me in positive ways? What am I doing in this city, why here of all places? Even now, I can hardly see "it" in the big picture, barely recognize meaning and purpose in the snapshot of life.

"It's right there. I saw it while we were talking and I had to take a picture. It's on the red and green building."

Ah, silly me. No, I didn't see it. Wasn't looking for it and didn't recognize it in the photo, either. But now, now it was fairly obvious.

The poet Rumi said, "Look at your eyes. They are small / but they see enormous things." With her mind's eye focused on our dialogue, my friend saw meaning in a small thing. I with my little eyes didn't see what to her was too obvious to ignore. The image of the cross on the wall of the building created by the shadow of the electricity pole was a fun coincidence, but now I'd like to think of it as more than happenstance. There we were, in the midst of a rather important discussion, while she was parked at the intersection, a crossroads, for passersby who come and go on small little journeys. In a way, our conversation occurred at a time when we both are metaphorically "parked", for different reasons, as we wait to discern which way is the best way to go, which step is the next step to take.

There, of course, countless numbers of electricity poles in the city of Emeryville, and in the state of CA (and throughout the U.S., I know) but it was providential, coincidental, serendipitous that the sun would cast the right shadow in the right place in the instance when we were talking about searching for meaning in life -- through our faith in Christ, who died on the cross for us, the One who showed us the Way.

I suppose to wrap up this blogpost, I'd have to say that this little photo was a gift to me from a dear friend, a reminder that if only we could stop, pause, and look with our eyes, we can see enormous things which, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, are always with us.

Going Forth in Grace Alone

The last few months have brought me much anxiety surrounding a variety of issues. One concern which is foremost in my mind is my recently adopted state of unemployment. The decision to leave my post working at the Episcopal seminary in Berkeley was an extremely difficult decision to make -- one with varying levels of positive and negative consequences -- and I am still transitioning and acclimating to my new life here in Saint Louis. To say that I miss the work is an understatement. The position was, for me, an ideal combination of academics and church; that is, I was involved in the administrative work of a graduate teaching institution and I was also involved in the work of the church -- grooming leaders for ministry in God's church, in fact.

To step away from all that was a challenge because I believed in and committed myself to the mission and the vision of our institution -- we were working together, school and church, to make a difference in the lives of church leaders and therefore in the lives of every person touched by the students we graduate.

But the Holy Spirit pushes us to go forth -- sometimes in Grace alone -- out of our comfort zones to do something new and different. Although I miss the work I had been doing, I must trust that God will lead me to do something more... something more transformative, more needed. We will go forth in Grace alone.

Nam Chat Den Chet

Cac ban men, da lau roi HAT khong len dien dan nay de viet loi chao tham. Cung lau roi khong viet blogpost de tam su voi cac ban. Co le nhieu ban da buon chan va da quen mat nothing but HAT's. Neu that nhu vay, thi minh hieu va se khong trach. That ra, tinh ban ma khong duoc nuoi duong thi se dan dan ma tan bien. Minh fai vun(g) tuoi that nhieu va dieu dan, de khu vuon tinh ban se khong bi kho heo.

Da lau roi, HAT rat tho o ve viec viet blogpost bang tieng Viet. Cac ban dung trach HAT nhe, vi chinh ban than minh cung biet minh viet khong hay chut nao, tham chi rat te nua kia. Co le vi vay nen minh moi khong dam viet nhieu -- so bi nguoi khac che minh!

Moi tuan qua, minh co co hoi tro ve Cali choi, tham lai nhung nguoi ban xua. That ra, ho la nhung nguoi Co, nguoi Chu quen lau nam roi, va la ban than cua Ba Me minh. Luc con nho, minh phai goi ho la Co, Chu, nhung bay gio thi lon hon, va tuoi tac khong phan biet nhieu. Cach nhau it hon 10 nam, nhung vi quen mieng, nen danh goi la Co, la Chu cho roi. Thay doi nhieu lam gi de cho nhuc dau.

Khi gap lai nhung nguoi ban xua cua Ba Me, thi minh lai bi kho xu mot ti. Khong biet xung ho bang cach nao day. Bay gio ngoai 30 roi, nhung van phai goi nhung nguoi vai Anh Chi bang Co Chu. Va lai, nhung nguoi nay da lau nam khong gap nen khong nhan ra mat cua minh. Co nguoi thi tuong minh la Me, hoac la Chi. Doi khi thay tuc cuoi thiet -- nhin minh nhu vay ma tuong la minh vai Co cua ho. Co nguoi thi tuong rang minh la nguoi Chi, va cung co nguoi hoi tai sao minh nhieu toc bac nhu vay. Ah, khong le minh nen di nhuom toc? Chac la Bo khong thich toc minh naturally highlighted kieu nay ah? Mau gray khong dep lam sao? :) hihihi...

Them mot dieu lam "ngua" tay la: tai sao ai ai cung ngac nhien rang minh khong nhung biet an nuoc mam ma con rat me an mam ruot? Soc ghe chua ne?! Tuong rang minh lon len o ben My thi tro thanh My con... quen het tieng me de, mat di goc Viet. Xi... Co Chu hay mo mat ma xem nhe! :) Viet Kieu nay se nam chat nguon goc cho den chet...!

Proud Ally on Pride Day

Today, as SF celebrates its 40th anniversary of the Pride Parade, St. Louis also held its own celebration (as I'm sure many other cities have done/are doing). At 10:30ish this morning, we headed to Tower Grove Park and joined a group of Episcopalians who gathered for Mass on the Grass* across the street from St. John's Episcopal. The weather was cooler than yesterday, with frequent breezes, and as we stood under the large elm tree in the park, we listened to the Rev. Mark Sluss preach and to Bishop G. Wayne Smith (of the Diocese of Missouri) who celebrated the Eucharist.

It was a fairly large gathering, and everyone seemed in jovial spirits, ready and willing to gather for worship. We held a full service, with everyone standing, despite the warmth and humidity. We heard the Gospel being read, and deacon Sluss gave the short homily and then we sang rousing songs of faith after the prayer of intercession were given. We then lined up to receive communion in very orderly fashion, with no jostling, pushing, or shoving. It brought back many fond memories of being in the Bay Area.

The one irritation that we endured was the uninvited guest who stood behind us throughout the service. This gentleman was dressed in clerical collar, and while brandishing his Bible like a talisman and shield, shouted at our backs some rather strong words that were meant to convict us to repent of our sins. He said things like "God will kill you" and God will "bring you back to life" if we only turned from our sins. Without knowing anything about any of us, about any of our faith tenets or beliefs, he admonished that God will make "straight what is crooked" and will cleanse sins, etc, etc.

I think he wanted to preach us back to the straight and narrow, and he was very vehement in saying the things he said. To him, every single person standing in that crowd was a sinner, and we needed to be saved. Many people in the crowd were quite irritated; one man muttered "I wish I had a be-be gun", suggesting he wanted to shoot this guy away from this place. The majority of the people who stood up nearer up front ignored the man and chose to focus on the service. Others who were in back of the crowd sang much louder and spoke much more strongly as the service progressed. It was, I assumed, one way of speaking out. It was our way of drowning out his words of hate with words of affirmation and reconciliation.  The man's voice was loud, for sure, and his voice carried further than even the microphones from up front. But we all strained to listen to the prayer after Communion, and I found myself boldly and confidently joining in the chorus of voices praying the following:

God of abundance, you have fed us with the bread of life and the cup of salvation; you have united us with Christ and one another; and you have made us one with all your people in heaven and on earth. Now send us forth in the power of your Spirit, that we may proclaim your redeeming love to the world, and continue forever in the risen life of Christ our Savior. Amen.

At the beginning of the service, I was quite irritated at the man. Of all the places available throughout Tower Grove Park, he selected this location to preach his gospel, which he tried to pass off as the Gospel of God's unfailing Love. I wanted him to leave, to let us worship in peace. Many times, I was tempted to go to him and ask him -- politely -- to leave. Then, as we began to sing the song "I Love to Tell the Story," it occurred to me that perhaps this is what is meant to happen. Perhaps this is what it means to be challenged in our faith. Living as Christians, serving as faithful disciples, means that we must wrestle on a daily basis with the ignorance and intolerance of the world, and triumph over them as Christ has shown us to do. We are "sent forth in the power of the Spirit" to do what? To proclaim the redeeming love of God to the World. Unlike the man shouting negativities at our backs, as followers in Christ's footsteps, we are to tell the story of love, peace, justice, and reconcilation. We are not just to ignore the stories of hate but to replace them, rewrite them, with something far more restorative and uplifting. It would be easier, much easier, to tell our stories when no one is shouting hate words at us. Yet we are not asked to retreat from the world, to scurry away from people like this man who has warped God's message of love, acceptance, and reconciliation. We are not told to ignore and walk away, but to engage, discuss, reconcile, and transform. We counter words of hate and prejudice with words lifted from songs and stories of Jesus and His love.

As I recall today's scene in the park, I think that man was uninvited but not unwelcomed. Many people came over to speak with him; even the rector of one of the Oasis congregations came to talk with him. No one manhandled him, no bashed him, and I'd like to believe that we treated him more graciously than he treated us. I don't know what was said between him and the other folks, but we might have done better to invite that man to join us at the Open Table. Perhaps some of the folks who came to talk to him did invite him to partake of Communion, and he might have refused. I'm not certain, but I do know that he was vigilant, unrelenting, and strongly convicted by what he believes in -- and he probably didn't believe in breaking bread with us!

After the service, we all departed to take our places in preparation for the parade. My sister and I walked along our own path down Grand Avenue, and cutting across the hot concrete street, we strode into Pho Grand to grab a bite to eat. We later joined the crowds lining the streets to welcome the parade, catching strands of multi-colored beads, t-shirts, wrist-bands, frisbees, etc. After about an hour or so, we walked away from the crowds to head home, and I remembered the man from earlier this morning. I wondered if he was still out there by the parade grounds, trying to preach his gospel to passersby. I wondered if he heard and understood the words that we heard ourselves -- words of opening hearts, words of great fellowship of love, words of disciples of faith joining hands. I hope that he picked up some of those colored beads today, perhaps to remind himself that God's creation is full of richness, depth, and color.

* Mass on the Grass is a ministry of Trinity Episcopal Church in St. Louis and is sponsored by the Oasis Congregations of the Diocese of Missouri: Christ Church Cathedral, St. Louis; Church of the Transfiguration, Lake St. Louis; Church of the Advent, Crestwood; St. Mark's, St. Louis; Episcopal Campus Ministry, Washington Univ; Hope, Columbia; Trinity Kirksville. Supporting congregations were St. John's of St. Louis and Church of the Holy Communion, University City.

Arizona immigration law motivating youths to embrace community activism

Look here, folks: this is what it takes to speak out in support of something that is life-giving and life-changing. Stand for something good and make a positive transformation in this world. When Governor Brewer of Arizona makes blanket statements (see here) that are foolish and untrue, we need to speak out. When ignorant and racist and biased people have the louder voice in government, then we all suffer. Let us join forces with the youths in Arizona and all over the world to help change the world.

Arizona immigration law motivating youths to embrace community activism - Arizona Republic: "

Arizona immigration law motivating youths to embrace community activism Arizona Republic Daniel Rodríguez was up at 5 am one day in May, preparing to speak at a news conference on Arizona's new immigration law. The event would draw national media coverage because it featured undocumented youths ... and more »"