December 5, 2007

lost control

At work today, I discovered that I misplaced something. It doesn't matter what it is, nor how I managed to lose it on a desk that is completely clear of papers.

The frustration is this: I still can not find it anywhere. It frustrates me. It angers me. Plants seeds of doubt. Uncertainties about how I do things, about how I handle situations.

I would feel the same if it were a check or a watch or an earring. But it's not the same because this item disappeared from my domain. I have control issues, yes. I like to know that I have relative control and oversight of my office, of my own work space, which has been arranged according to my own organizational paradigm. Mine.

It's gone. The item. And my sense of control of my organized office. Completely, utterly gone.

C'est la vie.

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