Taking a "Family Vacation"

Some random albeit not entirely unrelated thoughts about family from the HATbox:

This morning, I heard a sermon about redefining family. Well, actually, the homily raised many important questions and touched upon plenty of hard issues for us to deal with -- not just family. However, I focused on the redefinition of family b/c the sermon I heard this past Sunday asked me to think about (re)defining Community. (What are the different kinds of communities that we can think of...? Someone mentioned Facebook!)

And, the seminary where I work and the Church (universal) that I belong to seem to think this whole "community" thing is a good idea. Plus, the church where I worship and serve has been (re)envisioning and grappling with how to be in community with one another.

The scripture for this morning's homily was taken from the Gospel according to Luke -- the one where Jesus's mother and brothers sent a messenger to Jesus asking to be let into the 'in' crowd and Jesus rebuffs them by saying those who follow his word are his family.

Radical shift in definition of family here. The definition is not one man, one woman, 1.5 child. It's not two men or two women and 2 adopted children. It's not even grandma, grandpa, grandchildren. Not even auntie, uncle and a horde of kids. So what is family? How do we define it? How do we shift our current definitions of family?

During the sermon, we were asked to consider the story from the perspective of Jesus' mother and brothers. How would we feel if we were suddenly left out of the elite crowd? Suddenly we don't have the backstage passes anymore. We don't have "family only" access to the Star of the show. So what happens when we feel short-shrifted? How do we blur the boundaries to make the "family circles" a bit more permeable?

Here's the thing, though. Jesus' mother and brothers wanted in. What if I don't want in? Sometimes, I just plain don't want to be in community. Certain days, I'm not ready or willing to "commune" with anyone. Makes it even harder when I have constant reminders of how we are all a part of Christ's extended family.

Sometimes, the need to be a part becomes a request to become apart. In those moments, those permeable boundaries seem absolutely necessary.

But, careful. Otherwise we endanger ourselves. We run the risk of creating irreparable chasms and schisms in Christ's family.

Last Thursday, I had a tough conversation with several friends. We tackled some Big Questions, with a lot of passion, about church, faith, and God. I'm not quite sure that we "settled" anything, or if anything can be settled, and as we parted ways I felt as if we left with some lingering uneasiness still in the air. That evening was difficult. I think we pushed the boundaries quite a bit and we discovered certain things about each other that forced us to consider "are we family?"

In the end though, I feel that we are still OK. That is, we still break bread together because we still share core values and believe in one God and do serve faithfully our Great Commission. We live out our baptismal covenants. We believe in one another and trust in one God.

It's just that sometimes, we really, really need that "family" vacation.

Always looking for resolution where there is/are none?

If you're looking for two-and-a-half hours of heart-wrenching, head-hurting, emotionally-riling insight into the controversial, gritty, high-blood-pressure, contentious, deeply ("weighty") disturbing, unrelenting, tumultuous world of high-schoolers, then please go see Yellowjackets at the Berkeley Rep.

I'm not quite sure I can explain what the play is about. All I know is that the play unrelentlessly tackles extremely tough issues in an uncomprisingly smart way. That the play is set in Berkeley High makes the play even more amazing -- b/c surprisingly I had forgotten that even high school students deal with big issues. What am I saying! Teenagers deal with bigger issues than adults do sometimes. That's the point. Teens grapple with weighty issues (violence, racism, sex) every day and we can't simply say "they're too young to have such issues." And Yellowjackets shows us, too, that sometimes (oftentimes?) adults have no idea how to deal with the fall-out.

This is what I think of the play (by 30-yr-old genius Itamar Moses, who makes me cry just thinking about how talented he is), which has already been eloquently stated by the Examiner:

“Provocative and involving…the lightning-paced dialogue and slam-bang scene changes keep the play hurtling forward at breakneck speed…It’s smart, political, contentious, relentless, confusing and so full of weighty issues you may forget you’re actually dealing with teenagers here.”—Examiner.com

The play was stunning. Several times throughout the evening, I found myself holding my breath b/c of the emotions gushing out in the words being spewed out at breakneck speed. At one point, I wanted to jump up and shout at the characters. During one scene in the second act, I was so caught up in the moment that I actually believed something off-stage was happening for real (I started looking around for cops (b/c of the flashing lights) and realized, with chagrin, that I was totally fooled into thinking we really were watching a teen rebel being arrested by cops for trying to climb a fence).

Itamar Moses has captured in the microcosm of one high school (set in 1994) the entire gravity of our humanity. Please, please go see this smart, smart play.

If you don't believe me, read what the critics are saying.

Yellowjackets will be playing at the Berkeley Rep through October 12th.

Itamar Moses, Playwright : Itamar Moses is the author of the full-length plays Bach at Leipzig, Back Back Back, Celebrity Row, Completeness, The Den, The Four of Us, Outrage, the musical Reality! (with Gaby Alter) and various short plays and one-acts. His work has appeared off-Broadway and elsewhere in New York, at regional theatres across the country and in Canada, and is published by Faber & Faber and Samuel French. Itamar holds an M.F.A. in dramatic writing from New York University and has taught playwriting at Yale and NYU. He is a member of the Dramatists Guild, MCC Playwrights’ Coalition and Naked Angels Writers Group, and is a New York Theatre Workshop Usual Suspect. Itamar was born in Berkeley and now lives in Brooklyn.

Prayers, Presence, Gifts, Service, & Witness

"The Gospel of Christ knows no religion but social, no holiness but social holiness [...] You cannot be holy except as you are engaged in making the world a better place. You do not become holy by keeping yourself pure and clean from the world but by plunging into ministry on behalf of the world's hurting ones." - John Wesley

At the recent Annual Conference of the CA/NV Conference of the UMC, we decided to add one other element to the membership vows of the UMC. In addition to committing our prayers, presence, gifts, and service, we've also admitted that we need to commit to upholding the UMC with our witness. You might think it should have been a given, but it has taken us this long to realize that we can't simply use our prayers, presence, gifts, and service as substitutes for active, intentional, Spirit-led Christian witness. On Sunday, we took out our pens and added into the red hymnal that crucial word in our membership vows. I'm not so concerned about writing it on a page in a book but more about how to live out our witness.

Membership Vows
“Will you be loyal to the United Methodist Church and uphold it by your prayers, your presence, your gifts, your service and your witness?”

Prayers
Our commitment to uphold the Church through intercessory prayer is based upon the fundamental reality that we are not simply a human agency seeking to meet human needs: we pray because we require God’s guidance in order to be the church. When we pray for our pastor, for our teachers, for one another, and for those who may never even enter our doors, we express our dependence on God so that we might in turn express the will and compassion of Christ.

Presence
Our commitment to uphold the Church by our presence is a visible witness of our faith, both in the pew and in the world. Our relationship to Christ is nurtured by our presence in worship where we find spiritual guidance, comfort and strength. But our relationship to Christ is not confined to Sunday morning alone. We also uphold the Church by our presence at home, at work, at school, and in the community. Wherever we are, our presence should be an expression of our commitment to Christ.

Gifts
Our commitment to uphold the Church by our gifts is a thankful response from the heart for all God has given us. Such a commitment serves to remind us of our role as stewards over what God has entrusted to us. The systematic giving of our money also helps to establish and maintain ministries that no individual or single congregation could fund alone. These worthy causes include hospitals, colleges, rehabilitation centers, food and clothing distribution, evangelistic and educational work, and emergency relief.

Service
Our commitment to be loyal to the Church and uphold it by our service further reflects our commitment to follow the example of Christ, who came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many (Matthew 20:28). God has entrusted all of us with certain talents and abilities, and sharing these gifts is a means of sharing ourselves out of love and gratitude toward God and love for one another.

-from Highland Park UMC, Dallas, TX

Global Poverty & Presidential Candidates

I'm tired of hearing inconsequential criticisms of and by various candidates. What I need to know is what our nation's future leader will do to address concerns about global poverty and many other issues of MDGs.

Only two questions about global poverty have been asked in the history of modern presidential debates.

It's a shocking figure and in 2008, we need debate moderator Jim Lehrer to ask John McCain and Barack Obama "Just ONE question" on their plans to fight global poverty.

I just signed the petition (to get Jim Lehrer to ask the Prez Candidates about what they'll do to end global poverty) by ONE Campaign and you can too, here.

"2008 marks the halfway point to the Millennium Development Goals, or MDGs, set in 2000, to halve extreme poverty and global disease by the year 2015. The next U.S. president will take office at a key moment in our struggle to transform those commitments on paper into reality on the ground for some of the world’s most vulnerable people. The actions of the next president could be the difference between success and failure, and Americans need to know where John McCain and Barack Obama stand. Let’s make sure they answer “Just ONE Question” on global poverty at this critical moment in our efforts to end it." (from Josh Peck of ONE campaign)

Doesn't everybody love HAT?

Today, I am my own enemy. Actually, I was reminded that I could very well be someone else's enemy. Me? Enemy? I love all peoples! Ah, but what if other people find it hard to love me?

I wondered: who stays up at night hating me with every fiber of their being? Who in their right minds (or wrong minds) is thinking that I'm the enemy that needs their love? Who finds it difficult to love me? Who wants to read me I Cor 13, citing passages about unconditional love because they dislike me so much?

I can think of many people right this very minute (at least two, for certain) who might think I'm a liberal nut. And perhaps they still love me despite that "flaw." There are probably quite a few who find my world views, my religious view, my cultural perspectives, and my political preferences slightly more than aggravating. These people probably pray for me every night (perhaps not in kindness though surely in earnestness).

What do I do about that? How does HAT deal with and respond to the knowledge of being someone else's enemy? How does HAT respond to the awareness of being unloved, perhaps even hated.

What does it mean, to be the enemy? How does that change my perspective? Knowing that I might be prayed for, prayed over, not b/c I'm perfect and holy and doing God's work, but because I'm hated, despised, impure, sick, incomplete, unsaved, dead inside. Because I've fallen short. Prayed for b/c someone wants to give me their other cheek. Loved despite my shortcomings. Loved despite my lack.

It is difficult for me to reframe the questions so that I am the "other" -- the enemy, the weak, the unloved. (I said in full awareness of the problematic "othering".) I have grown up believing I am "saved", that I carry the "Good News", that I am created in the perfect image of God, and that I am the one doing the loving and ministering and saving. I go "out there" to save "them" and win them "back" to Christ. A part of that echoes the CMA evangelistic upbringing of my early days in VN.

Defined or redefined as the enemy and not as the soldier in the conquering army of Christ (crusaders, folks, remember the crusaders?), I am thrown into a completely different discombobulating space.

I think of the millions of people around the world who are affected by the decisions we make here in the U.S. Military decisions, political decisions, consumerist decisions, religious and cultural decisions and reasons, etc. When we are reframed as the enemy, it's not so easy coming into other people's spaces brandishing our hero badges and claiming to rescue lives.

Figuring out the hard stuff means finding out how I can embody Christ, show Christ's love, when I'm viewed as the stranger, as the hated enemy with the evil, dominating intent in mind.

Strange as it seems, as an enemy, I gain more perspective than as the friend.

On facing my political fears

Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love. -Rainer Maria Rilke, Letter 8, 1904


This is what people mean when they say dragons are princesses: notice the uncertainty. Perhaps dragons are princesses. Perhaps prinCESSES are dragons. Perhaps. Power hidden behind something seemingly fragile, delicate, breakable. Why do we always say something helpless wants our love? What takes more courage? How much courage to close your eyes while standing in the midst of that steaming, foul breath, and take in that hissing, spewing, drooling creature with the red eyes and gaping tooth? I am not challenged by the helpless that wants my love. I live in dread of the unforeseeable dragons who out of nowhere blindside me, they come thrashing in, utterly broken-winged, seething, and looking for my attention. Can I still lean in and give a great big kiss?

In the wilderness of Chinatown Oakland

This Sunday's OT lesson is from Exodus 16. Reading the commentaries for this passage, I can't help but think of how this passage fits with what our church is experiencing at the moment.

Thoughts drawn from the hatbox:

(1) Some of our church leaders are at this moment experiencing, sensing, hearing quite a bit of grumbling from the "congregation". Our smallish family church is not unlike the group that congregated to complain about the lack of food while wandering the dessert. We've been hearing mumblings about lack of spiritual food and guidance; we've heard complaints about the lack of spiritual nourishment in the programmatic activities; we've heard complaints of thirst and weariness in working in ministry. Some of our leaders themselves are weary and are threatened, internally, by anxieties over a "coup" of sorts. Some, dare I say it, are on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion.

(2) I see so much discipline is needed. I'm not quite sure if today we could follow instructions as intense and difficult as the ones God provided for the people in the desert. We can hardly find the discipline to meet together for small group study to fill our spirits and minds. How could we possibly follow these detailed instructions to make manna?


(3) For a long time now, we've talked about how limiting our location might be. Smack dab in the middle of Chinatown, we can only hope to connect with a particular demographic. The question had always been, could we really meet the needs of the people in this area, or are we looking to connect to a different constituency. In other words, might our location box us in -- literally -- in Chinatown? My thoughts? The people in the desert were called to worship God and they saw the glory and wonder of God in the wilderness -- in the very location, the very geography where they thought they would die (oh, the irony!). So perhaps our location is really not a Chinatown desert that will dry us up. Perhaps it is the very place where we will continue to see God's glory. This is where we will find God -- on the jostling, bustling sidewalks of Chinatown, in the jumbled, smelly store fronts on 8th street, and in the elbows and faces pushing at us, behind us, in front of us, below us, around us...

David Foster Wallace

Why do we wait so long to recognize the darkness behind the genius?

Is it because we're afraid that in acknowledging the deep void we might recognize the darkness already existing on the fringes of our non-genius lives? Is it because we reach only for what is light and clear, filled and meaning-full?

In appreciation of DFW:

Newsweek: "An author of infinite erudition who found artistic and moral value in simply registering his dread "

Time Magazine: "A fellow of infinite jest"

New York Times: "A prose magician"

Chicago Tribune: "a book that was sad"

Frustrated that no one's talking issues, it's all lipstick and hair

Go here to read this great little piece. Russell articulates my frustrations and does so with piercing humor -- just like how I would do it if I were a writer.

I really wish we could just please, please ramp it up a notch to avoid another John Kerry situation. I have the gravest concerns that we will ruin our chances. Let us persevere. Let us hope. Let us be the change we wish to see in the world!

Dinosaur Church

This is what we call the "dinosaur church." The architecture of the building is amazing. Abby's husband is an architect and he too can't figure out how the original architect came up with the design. We agree that the guy must have been high on something. The arches that hold up the buildings create something that looks like concrete backbones and spine of a large dinosaur. You have got to stand in the church to see and feel what I mean. It is an awesome space and we are honored that Central UMC has allowed us to exhibit unFound in their space.

29 TITLOHS

1. Family
   
2. I pray for the earth and the world.
   
3. For some reason, I continue collecting friends. Or, they insist on liking me.
   
4. I used to believe in fairy tales. I may still.
5. Don't believe in love at first sight.
   
6. Reading is fun but hard, and I like it.
7. In the areas of dessert, few things surpass chocolate and ice cream.
8. Love riding motorbikes under a full moon.
   
9. The church is my home. I keep wanting to leave and return.
   
10. Apparently, as an Earth Goat, I'm artless, romantic, and tend to get off on the wrong foot.
11. Also, parasitic, vengeful, and lazy.
12. Dream in color. Wake with music playing on the brain.
    
13. Addicted to rice and soy sauce.
14. Does it seem hopeful to have a black political candidate or hopeless that a powerful she-devil, um, attack dog, is the VP nominee for the GOP?
15. Sweet or savory foods? Savory first, then sweet, then savory again.
    
16. Work in an office during the day.
17. Write on the computer at night.
    
18. I want to travel -- Hong Kong, Shanghai, Amsterdam, Prague, Perth, Ghana, Hanoi, Venice, Chile, etc., etc.
19. Sights I have not seen: Grand Canyon, Mt. Rushmore, Berlin wall, Great Wall of China
20. I like looking at stars at night.
21. How did I become addicted to cable?
    
22. Looking for Mr. Darcy
23. The graduate theological school is an academic institution of learning and purpose, to which I belong, which does not really embrace my presence.
24. I dislike hearing the phone ring.
25. You'd think I'd outgrow the anxiety by now, but I struggle daily over whether or not to correct someone's mispronunciation of my name.
26. Fruit. I love, love fruit.
27. I secretly enjoy being older. Well, not so secretly.
    
28. I love getting older -- makes me think one day I'll get wiser, too.
    
29. Family.
    

unOfficial photos of unFound opening

Go here to view more pictures of unFound's first official weekend. If you missed the opening, consider seeing unFound in Oakland and Berkeley:

On Oct. 3rd, unFound will make a one night appearance at Interplayce in Oakland, and from Oct. 12th to December 15th, the exhibit will hang in the Bade Museum at Pacific School of Religion.

unFound was found at Central UMC on Friday nite!

On Friday, we opened the unFound exhibit at Central UMC in Stockton. These are some photos that I took of the event. (My trusty digital camera which I had taken all the way to VN is broken so the clarity isn't very high and some of the photos were taken with the lens cap partially open. So while it may look like I did something neat with the photoshopping, it was b/c my camera lens isn't opening and shutting properly.)

unFound exhibition 2008

Some of you may already know that I've been working on a poetry/visual art installation for the past year or so. I'm pleased to announce that unFound will actually open this weekend, Friday, Sept. 5th, in Stockton, CA.

I'm excited that we actually get to do the "work" that we do -- it's easy (sometimes) to imagine and dream about artsy and poetic stuff. But to actually get the ideas out of our heads, off the ground (and the written page) and onto the walls, and to show it to the public, well, it's really incredible.

I have never primed and painted so many shoes in my life!

This Friday, I'll be heading to Stockton with agkk. The opening reception and reading will be on Friday at 7:30 p.m., and on Saturday, we'll have the workshops.

It will be a long road ahead, but I'm looking forward to it!

Check it out, folks. It really is legitimate!